Things Change When You Think Backwards

Did you ever Wonder why God likes doing things backwards?

He tends to use a boomerang affect to get what he wants rather then a direct approach.

• For starters… rather then saying things outright, he used parables. I’ve got a vague understanding of this but I’m still trying to fully understand why he did this. I’ll blog about it once I figure it out.🙃

• He tells us that the key to reaping abundantly is to give abundantly. This does not make sense by human standards, because if u take things away it does not add up! (Pun intended)😆 That’s not how my math teacher taught it anyway.🙃

2 Corinthians 9:6-8

Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.

• Then there’s this verse…

16 So the last shall be first, and the first last: for many be called, but few chosen. Matthew 20:16

Again, it goes against the ways of the world… rather then striving for the top, we get there instead by simply abiding in Christ and dying to self.

• Jesus left his mark on earth by serving. He was leader who led by serving.

For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Mark 10:45

He is the leader who gives choices, rather then orders. Again, it’s rather backwards from the standards of the world.

But here’s my revelation…

Do you ever know something in your head but you don’t feel it in your heart?

That’s where I was with this subject and just recently as I prayed into it, I had this epiphany that took my head knowledge and made it heart knowledge.

I realized that I was easily swayed by the opinion of man so obviously I’m not very secure in my identity in Christ. Right?

But how to overcome it?

I searched the Bible high and low for verses on who God says that I am.

I found many, but none of them changed my perspective.

Until one day, when I had this epiphany.

I realized that to walk fully in my identity as a daughter of the king, I need to understand who he is! Not who I am.

So, I searched the Bible high and low for verses on who God is.

I can’t explain this backward philosophy that God teaches, but I know, for sure, that it works.

When I realize that he is the overcomer, I also realize that I don’t need to fight my own battles because he already won the race.

When I realize that he is the king of Kings, the Lord of Lords, the first and the last, the alpha and the omega, my fortress, my strong tower, my rock, my hiding place, the one who is and was and is to come….

Honestly… I can’t explain it but it changes my entire perspective when I focus on who he is.

My life and my problems seem insignificant compared to his magnificence, his holiness, his power…





You won’t catch us with a dirty living room carpet!

I say that with great pride.

Only because it’s a recent accomplishment tho, and the credit goes to the 3 year old in the house.

The floor in our house gets swept daily, but I couldn’t usually say the same about my living room carpet.

Mostly, because it’s a big hassle to drag out the vacuum, plug it in and then do all that in reverse after vacuuming for only about 30 seconds.

So, you know, I convinced myself that it’s only slightly dirty, or I used the ‘well it’s already Wednesday and I’ll be cleaning on Friday’ line, or the ‘I just cleaned this thing yesterday! Or maybe it was yesterday’s yesterday, maybe even yesterday’s yesterday’s yesterday🤔 either way it feels like I just did it!’

My point being: the carpet was more often then not dirtier then I wanted it to be.

Then one time… Kyna asked if he could vacuum.

That was a no brainer. “Of course you can!” I said, while thinking that even if he only gets half of it clean it will look much better then it did.

It turns out, however, that he is really good at vacuuming carpets. The thing was spotless!

Awesome, I’ll get him to vacuum it sometimes. Good plan, Grace. Why didn’t I think of that?

My enthusiasm was short lived however, when he started asking if he could vacuum it multiple times a day.🤦‍♀️

He would finish it, then ask if he could do it again 20 min later.

This lasted about a week before I concluded that if I wanted my sanity to survive this excessive vacuuming dilemma, I needed a solution.

So I told him that every day when we get back from dropping Kenz off at school, he could vacuum the carpet, but that was the only time he was allowed to do it. Only once a day.

The next day we get home and I hear the vacuum start. My first thought? “Why are they playing with the vacuum?!”

Thankfully, I remembered the rules that I had set in place before I spoke.

Every day since then (over a week now) he has dedicatedly vacuumed the carpet, and he doesn’t ask to do it outside of that.👏

It’s amazing.

My always dirty carpet is now my always clean carpet.

It’s not all smooth sailing though.

He is very interested in testing just how capable this vacuum is by seeing how big pieces it can pick up.

”I got a really big price that time!” He says.

I warned him that the vacuum can break if he drives over something that’s too big to fit.

“I’m being very careful!” He says.

I’m over here hoping that he doesn’t try to pick up something that will get stuck and wreak havoc on my vacuum, but in the meantime I’m really enjoying the clean carpet!🙂

Spiritual Warfare: Are You Equipped For The Battle?

The battles in the spiritual realm are no joke.

They are real and they are more powerful then us mere humans.

I don’t understand it all. Not even close actually, but I know that every time I find spiritual breakthrough it’s immediately followed by enemy attacks. And the bigger the breakthrough, the bigger the attack.

Here’s my stories:

• I met Jesus. The real Jesus, not the legalistic one I’d been taught about.

Then, the two most important people in my life told me my salvation wasn’t real because if it was I wouldn’t be doing ‘this or that.’ (Church rules, basically)

I wavered. My faith was young.

• We sank our life savings into D.T.S. because we wanted to learn the truth of who God is. (The truth. Not the Amish or ex Amish version of him.)

We came home broke and everything that could possibly break down did exactly that. We dumped hundreds into our vehicle and house that summer. And we were broke, remember?

The doubts set in. God, himself sent us to DTS. Why wasn’t he helping us out now?

We wavered. Our faith was still young?

• I got set free from the spirit of rejection and anxiety.

Soon after, I had this incredible urge to rid my life of anything that made me feel even remotely guilty while simultaneously drenching myself with the word of God.

It was the Holy Spirit, I knew. So, I did it. I took it so far as getting rid of social media. I listened to the Bible on audio for hours each day.

The battle that followed my newfound freedom was unlike anything I ever experienced and I hope to never repeat it.

The devil doesn’t play fair and he knows your weaknesses.

He attacked our church. This came in the form of people speaking against our church while a situation going on inside the church made me question everything our church stood for. (My faith in our church and what we stand for has been restored. Strengthened even.)

He attacked our business. A drop in sales, to a credit card machine malfunction that caused us to lose a couple hundred in one day, to someone literally spreading lies about us to our employees made me wonder what on earth was going on?! (All relationships and finances are still intact.)🙂

He attacked our school. When too many kids for 1 class, but not enough for 2 classes enrolled for 1st grade they called 6 families and said our kids won’t be able too come back. Yup, we were one of those families. But it was the malicious words and gossip that got to me and made us want to pack up and move clear across the country. (In the end a solution was found and we were able to send Kenzie back to the same school.)

He attacked my family. It’s personal, but trust me, it was ugly.

I didn’t just waver. I crashed. Hard. I doubted everything I ever stood for. I doubted my faith. My relationship with God. With the things that were said to me, I doubted that I was even a half decent human being. I doubted, y’all. I literally doubted everything.

The only thing I had, that proved to myself that I wasn’t the self absorbed idiot that I had been accused of being was the fact that when God asked me to practice holiness on a higher level then ever before, I had done it. I’m not perfect. I’m not without sin. But in that moment… there was nothing in my life that I thought I maybe shouldn’t be doing… Not even ‘too much social media.’  And that is what I kept going back to every time I battled through the mind games of ‘do I even know God?’

I didn’t just waver. I crashed. I was angry at God. He used that time to point out areas in my life that needed improvement, which is fine really. I don’t mind growing and learning. But why on earth did he have to deliver it in such an ugly, downgrading package?!

I didn’t just waver. I crashed. Was my faith still young?

It’s not. My faith is anything but young. I can give you countless testimonies of how God came through for me since I met him on the Mississippi shores. My faith has maturity. It has weathered enough storms to know who God is.

Then why did I crash?

Because I underestimated the power of the power of the devil.

I now understand that when breaking free from the things holding me back, when learning new things about God, I need to be fully equipped for battle.

I need to fast.

I need to worship.

I need to be fully immersed in the word of God.

And most important of all:

I need to have a daily, deep connection with God.

I already did all that but my biggest revelation after the whole ugly ordeal was that if I want to survive the storms, my pursuit of a relationship with God must be bigger then my pursuit of the things of God.

Both are important, but the things of God are only doable if my relationship with God is fully and firmly established.

I’m currently still over here licking my wounds but what the devil hasn’t yet realized is that I’m also plotting my revenge. I will get back up again and when I do I will be stronger then ever because I have a whole boatload of knowledge that I didn’t have a year ago.

I don’t understand it, but I know that fasting is a tool that the devil is powerless against.

And I know that the closer I walk with God, the less power the devil holds over me.


The Rants Of A Mom

‘Oh, aren’t they just darling! You know this is the best years of your life.’

I have heard some form of that sentence multiple times already, most times it’s as we make our noisy way through a store.

We seem to draw lots of attention, and I like to think that it’s just because we are so quietly adorable and not because grocery store aisles tend to bring out the dancing and singing of a certain 6 year old.

Yup, God didn’t beat around the bush when he decided I should get rid of my dislike for drawing attention to myself.

Here’s the latest quote that’s going around… ‘You only have 18 summers with child.’

Yea, I get it. I probably even needed to hear it. Needed to be reminded that every day with my kids is a treasure not to be taken lightly.

However, mostly I just felt guilty.

I love my kids and most days it feels like time is slipping through my fingers, which is precisely why I don’t need to be reminded that I only have 18 summers.

Now I feel guilty that I don’t enjoy every single minute of parenting and sadly that quote hasn’t had the power to make me suddenly enjoy changing diapers or being the ref to countless squabbles.

Yes, I understand that the point being made, is that I should invest in my kids as much as possible for these 18 summers.

And the pressure just keeps getting heavier.

Theres already tons of pressure on getting the parenting thing right, now I must also accomplish it all in 18 summers.

And here I was, naive enough to think that I would somehow be able to influence the lives of my kids till the day I die.

Oh, and that first quote… it makes me feel like my life is going downhill. Once my kids are all grown and have moved out, the good days will all be behind me and I will live the rest of my life wishing back the days when my kids were small.

I have a really hard time imagining that though because I kinda enjoy each new stage with my kids.

I have not yet looked back and wished my kids were still in diapers, still breastfeeding or still needed my help getting a spoon in their mouth.

In reality I’m usually kinda glad to be done with all of those, though I do enjoy them (mostly)🙃 for a season,

I can’t even say that I miss those first baby smiles, or toddler giggles. Sure, they were fun but it’s just as much fun seeing them learn how to talk or experience school for the first time.

I repeat, I love my kids.

The truth is though, I need my kids to grow up, I need them to become independent, because if there’s one thing I’m sure of, it’s this:

If I have to spend all 70-ish years of their lives caring for them as I do now, I will probably go crazy.

Maybe some day once my kids are grown and have moved out I’ll  get it and wonder why this blog post was even written.

In the meantime, though, I really do enjoy all the people that take the time to notice and love on my kids.

Because I do agree that they are totally adorable. (Even when they’re throwing a fit cuz we missed a sample cart at Costco and mom refused to go back.)🤦‍♀️

I guess if there’s a point to be made here it’s probably that we would all do well by dropping the cliche’ quotes.

I think someone says it and it sounds good so we repeat it and hence it spreads like wildfire.

However, most of them aren’t all that great if we take the time to think through them.

If you don’t believe it just send me a quote, I’ll have no problem pointing out the negative side to it, it’s what I do best.🥴

And that’s why they invented the term ‘pessimist.’

And I shall leave it at that and go enjoy whats left of my 18 summers!

I really hope none were lost while I spent some time behind my screen.😳

Parenting Lessons From A Groundhog

Seven plus years ago when we moved to this property, a groundhog had already laid claims to the shed out back, or at least to the area ‘under’ the shed.

I didn’t really approve of sharing our property with him but as long as he stayed out back by the shed, it wasn’t too big of a deal.

But then…

He dug a big old hole right by the front porch.

And we had just got done mulching a day or two before that.

I filled it back in.

He gave up.

And then…

He dug two holes, one on each side of the back porch.

I filled them back in.

He dug them again.

I filled them up.

He dug again.

I filled.

He dug.

I gave up.

At least on refilling the hole. I googled instead…

Coffee grounds, they said. Put coffee grounds in the hole and Mr groundhog will be repulsed by the smell and will steer clear.

Not this groundhog.

In fact, I imagine him laughing while enjoying the new aroma wafting through his home.

I unsuccessfully tried a few more google remedies.

Either, google is confused or this groundhog is one of kind.

Finally we compromised, he could stay and he could keep those two holes as long as he didn’t dig more holes.

In reality, I gave up and he won, but I don’t want him to know that.

Since we don’t own a gun and my google remedies all failed, my only hope of getting rid of this thing was that he would eventually die of old age.

So, you can imagine my horror when I realized that this groundhog added 2 babies to our backyard.

I think, my exact words were: ‘That thing was supposed to die, not multiply!’

A couple days later, the kids were standing at the window watching these three groundhogs, (which are actually really cute BTW) when Kenzie declared, ‘ these groundhogs need to die not have babies!’

There was something about hearing my words coming from her mouth…

My opinion didn’t change, I still want less groundhogs, not more! But the way I said it or maybe it was the choice of words…

Either way, I realized, that my kids aren’t learning what I tell them, they are learning what I show them.

I can tell them all day long to pick up their toys ‘with a happy heart,’ or ‘how they should be thankful for their toys and therefore not whine about picking them up.’

But as long as I’m using words such as ‘seriously guys, why did u empty all the toy baskets at once,’ or ‘let’s get this mess cleaned up!’ (Said With a stressed tone.)

Those statements or at least the tone suggests that their toys are a problem. Which leaves them with a small dilemma…

Should they do as I say and see their toys as a blessing? Or should they do as I do and see their toys as a problem?

The truth is, actions trump words, every single time.

I already knew this, but somehow the groundhog statement made me realize just how deeply this actually goes.

I want my kids to know how to pray, like really pray ‘real connected to God prayers,’ I didn’t want it to be just a thing that we do, so I need to do something to really teach them, right?

As I listened to their prayers tho, I realized that they do know how to pray, they pray things over people that I wouldn’t even have thought of praying.

They know how to pray, not because we told them, but because we showed them, because we do it.

Next step: I want them to live a Christian life by being in tune with the Holy Spirit, not by following rules or mans ideas.

Now, I just need to figure out a way to practice this with them.

It’s a good thing, really, because instead of wasting time giving long lectures, I can simply be intentional about what we practice and do on a daily basis, it’s really much easier then giving well formulated and planned out lectures.

On the other hand, it also means, that they are picking up all my bad habits as well, and it doesn’t matter how much I contradict those actions with good words. They will ‘learn’ what I’m doing not what I’m saying.

As for the groundhog, he’s still around, he still has his babies and it seems he invited his friend ‘the snake’ over one day as well.

After living here for almost 8 years, I assumed there’s no snakes here but a couple weeks ago that happy theory came to a sudden end when we found a snake in the yard.

And since Mr groundhog has a really hard time keeping his end of our little deal, I’m assuming he is to blame for the snake’s sudden appearance.

I might just need to let him stick around, though, and see if he knows more things that I should learn.🤷‍♀️

What Is Pornography

This question was prompted by Jake Kail’s sermon on sexual immorality.

The word porn to me has always meant graphic videos with extreme sexual content.

But what is it really?

Do you know the actual definition of pornography?

This is what google defines it as:



  1. printed or visual material containing the explicit description or display of sexual organs or activity, intended to stimulate erotic rather than aesthetic or emotional feelings.

Do u notice the printed part there?

Think about it… what is porn really?
Is it possible that romance novels and movies might be a form of porn?
How far can you take it and still say you’re not into porn?
I have always loved books, any books but I was introduced to romance novels at a young age and because of that I have a hard time with them. Especially if they call them Christian romance books.
Honestly, I think that title is a complete oxymoron.
I would say the same for clean romance movies.
Even if they aren’t explicit, they often hint at ‘more’ leaving your mind going to places it probably shouldn’t.
Scroll to the top and read the definition of porn again.
It says: ‘intended to stimulate erotic feelings.’
If our entertainment of choice, wether it’s movies, magazines, books, videos or whatever is doing just that, then wouldn’t it be considered a form of porn?
I tend to to see things as black and white or more accurately as right or wrong. No exceptions. I do know this isn’t always the case because there is the occasional gray area to wade through.
I would like to suggest tho that many of these gray areas are only gray because people are afraid of taking a stand on them.
I believe entertainment is one of those gray areas.
I would love to state strongly that a Christian should not indulge in action or romance movies/books because that is my opinion.
And yet it is something that each person must decide for themselves.
I will say though that if we aren’t experiencing hunger for spiritual things, then is it possible that we are filling our souls with junk? Is it possible that we are dabbling in porn?
But if I can’t convince you completely that this kind of entertainment is wrong, then let me put it this way:
Maybe it isn’t a sin, but neither is it beneficial. It is simply mindless entertainment so why bother?
And are we absolutely, completely sure that it isn’t a form of porn? Even if it’s only one scene or one paragraph that only lasts a couple seconds?

What Does It Look Like To Let Go And Let God

This is the question that has been bouncing around in my head for almost a year.

I have spent my entire life living cautiously.

You know… A ‘look before you leap.’ ‘Do the math and make sure the numbers line up’ kind of life.

For the last year I have felt like God is saying: ‘Just let it all go.’

But let what go?!

Maybe God does this to everyone or maybe I’m just really slow, but he does this thing where he answers every single question I ask with the same Phrase.

Maybe he knows that I like to think, so he gives me one phrase to ponder for, yes quite literally, it’s been a year.

Either way, it’s kind of infuriating at times, especially when I have no idea what he wants me to let go of,

I Am an all or nothing kind of person, I either do it or I don’t, I’m in or I’m out. If it’s not worth doing completely then there’s no need to do it at all.

Maybe God wants me to be more mediocre?

It’s been ingrained in my head that above all else, one must look good, no matter what the situation actually is, you make it look good and you’ll be alright.

Maybe God is saying I try too hard to look good?

Where I come from the opinion of man is held in high regard.

Maybe I care to much about others’ opinions?

Yet, none of these or any of the others I came up with felt like ‘the thing’ that God was trying to point out.

And then someone used the phrase: “I’m just trying to do the right thing.”

And I knew, right then and there, in that very moment that this is what God wants me to let go of.

I try so very hard to get it right.

Everything I do or ever did was well calculated.  I rarely act on impulse.

I still make plenty of mistakes but at least they are well thought through mistakes.🙃

I can spend an insane amount of time weighing the pros and cons on something, in fact I think so long and hard sometimes that I talk myself out of doing it, because just maybe there is some life altering con in there that I haven’t thought of yet.

And that, my friends, is the problem.

You see, caution is good, but overthinking can be lethal to the things God wants you to do.

When God tells you to go tell some random guy at a conference that God loves him, you should probably just do it and not over think it. Because when you start thinking instead of doing, you’ll realize that said guy looks really grumpy and intimidating and would probably prefer you to stay far away from him, so you don’t do it and then spend the next month wishing you would have simply followed that one simple instruction instead of thinking yourself out of it.

True story, guys, don’t be like me.

Sometimes, when God says do it, it doesn’t make sense to me.

Like when I was busy running a business plus trying to be a mama to two kids, I was pretty much going slightly crazy with how busy my schedule was and God said, “I want you to sign up for that.”

That’ was no small commitment.

So, for about a month I tried to convince God that it would be a terrible idea, but he persisted.

Finally, I filled out the application.

I had no more then submitted it, when I got my peace back and along with it came a certainty that I would not get the position.

When I asked God why he wanted me to fill out an application for something he didn’t even want me to do, he said it’s called faith. He wants me to trust him enough that I will do whatever he asks even if it looks too big to me, because I don’t know the outcome, but he does. All he wants from me, is for me to trust his lead, to submit to his will.

And that’s the problem with trying to do the right thing. If that is my focus, then I overthink it, instead of simply following his lead.

When I try to get it right, I need to know the end before I can start and from my experience God rarely lets us in on the end results, he just gives us one step at a time.

When I try to do the right thing, it is often my idea of what’s right.

That is why he is asking me (and you?) to let go of the desperate need to do the right thing.

It’s not about doing the right thing it’s about doing what he asks, and sometimes it will make you look like an idiot.

Sometimes it hurts because not everyone will see it the way you do. And every once in awhile it’s rewarding.

My stats aren’t all that great. I seem to get about one hit for every three strikes.

However, he never said that it would be easy but he did promise never to leave us or forsake us.

So, when he speaks will I act or will I think myself out of it?

Am I really willing to let go of my need to get it right and simply follow him?

Especially if that means there’s a chance I’ll get it wrong?

Water Leaks And Texas Volcanos

Kenz hopped into the car after school with that look on her face.

The one that said something had happened that she wasn’t sure how to process.

”How was school Kenz?”

”Mom. Is Texas dangerous?”

Mystery solved. She must have told her class mates about her daddy’s trip to Texas and they had convinced her that he was in danger.

“Not more dangerous then Pennsylvania. Why?” I answered.

“Well, (miss kindergarten friend) said that Texas has volcanos. And Tornados.”

By the time we got home I had her mostly convinced that Checkers probably wasn’t going to encounter any of these Texas dangers.

I may not have been so confident, however, had I been aware of the volcano brewing in my mud room.

The laundry was started, the kids were happily eating breakfast and it was only 8:00 AM. I considered this a very successful start to the day especially since it was Saturday and I had stayed of till 2:00AM.

I know… I should ‘adult’ better then that but there’s more books to be read then there’s hours in the day.🤷‍♀️

My musings of my success were suddenly interrupted by a weird noise coming from the mud room. I went to investigate because I knew my washer didn’t normally make that sound.

I got to the door just as large fountain of water started spraying over the whole mud room. Yes, it really was that bad. The ceiling, 4 walls and floor were being drenched.

I knew I needed to turn the water off but I also knew that I can’t reach the knobs without pulling the dryer front, and I can’t pull the dryer front until the vent and electric cord are pulled out.

Well, I tried… but I got no farther then unplugging the dryer and I was drenched. Literally, I was soaked.

I knew there was no point, because even if I got the dryer pulled front, I was pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to see to turn it off because of the insane amount of water shooting into the air.

Not to mention, I was slightly concerned that the entire spigot might have blown off.

I think most people that know me would agree that I’m a pretty calm person, but in this moment with Checkers not at home and 3 kids staring at me and expecting  me to come up with a solution to the gallons of water being sprayed into the mud room, I thought I might have a panic attack.

I process slowly, but this water fountain demanded instant action, not days of brainstorming solutions.

So, I called Checkers.

He’s in Texas. With the Texas volcanos. But maybe he could tell me what to do with the Pennsylvania volcanos.

He sent me to the basement to turn off the main water line.

The volcano stopped instantly.

Oh, that was easy. I should have thought of that. Except I didn’t even know it was an option pre-phone call to Checkers.

It took all my dirty towels plus a few clean ones plus a big thick blanket to get rid of all the water.

The hose blew off the spigot but the actual spigot was still intact, so I turned it off and very cautiously turned the main water line back on.

There was no more water explosions so I’m currently using the garden hose hooked up in the garage to finish my laundry. It’s a bit inconvenient and slow going but at least the laundry’s getting done😎

There’s still occasional drops of water splattering from nooks and crannies that I didn’t even know existed pre-water volcano.

Texas and its volcanos might not strike fear in my heart but currently I can’t say the same about the plumbing behind my washer.🙃



It is a time for family togetherness, for deeper connections and fun times.

But it’s also supposed to be a time to relax, right?

Instead it seems to wear a person out.

Traveling and a disrupted scheduled is exhausting to an adult, so it’s really no wonder that kiddos end up tired and grumpy.

And that is why I was tucking a whiny Kyna into bed at 1:00 in the afternoon.

“But why do I have to take a nap?!” He asked, not at all impressed with my plans. He had, after all, not been taking naps anymore for awhile now.

”Because, you didn’t sleep much last night and you’re grumpy and tired, but if you take a nap you’ll feel awesome and you’ll have so much energy to play at the park later.”

2 hours later a beaming Kyna hopped from the bedroom with both hands held high, proudly displaying all 10 fingers…

”Mom! I had a good nap, now I have this many energies to play at the park!”


From Fear To Faith

Kynaston was the baby that I couldn’t leave with anyone.

At only 6 months old I left him with Mom and he cried the whole time, it was so bad that I actually went and got him earlier then I had planned.

At first I thought it was just a ‘personality thing,’ but then I read this comment somewhere…

‘Shy is the cover-up word for fear.’

This comment stuck with me because if you really think about it… there is no such thing as a confident and shy person.

However there are quiet, introverted people who are confident, so to me, this simply made so much sense.

Shy = fear and fear is not from God.

That one comment caused me to look at this whole situation with Kyna differently and it wasn’t hard to see that there was some very real fear in his life.

Around the age of 2 he would wake up in the middle of the night screaming and when I got him he would wrap his arms tightly around my neck, very obviously terrified.

We couldn’t leave him in kids ministry at church because he would cry hysterically and I was pretty sure that he was actually freaking out and not just being stubborn.

Over this time our church was doing a sermon series on deliverance from evil spirits, so I was learning a lot on this fear thing but wasn’t sure how to apply it to my 2 year old.

One day I walked into the mud room and then into the bathroom, closing the door behind me. A couple seconds later Kyna was screaming obviously terrified, so I went to investigate. He had followed me into the mud room and thought I went into the garage so he followed me there, except I wasn’t there so he panicked because he could push the door open into the garage but couldn’t pull it open again to get back into the house.

At this point I had ‘had it’ with all these panic attacks as soon as he couldn’t find me, or got stuck somewhere etc…

So I scooped him into my arms and I commanded the spirit of fear to get out right now in Jesus’ name! You have no right here because the Lord has not given Kyna a spirit of fear but of love, power and a sound mind! 

I got chills from head to toe as I literally felt that spirit manifest and then leave.

Guys, we were instantly dealing with a completely different child.

He still had some fear but it was the kind you could work with, I would say, actually, that all fear was gone immediately but we still had to reverse the habits and mindsets that had been cultivated by fear.

I noticed right away that in crowds he willingly left my side and engaged with other kids openly and fearlessly.

Kids ministry at church was still a challenge but even there we saw a big change. Instead of screaming so much that we couldnt even talk to him before we even got to his classroom, we could now work with him.

It was quite the process but if we allow him too, God’s will take what the devil meant for evil and turn it into something good.

Every Sunday, Checkers took Kenzie and Myles to class and I took Kyna. I would walk halfway back the hallway with him and then I prayed with him and declared 2 Timothy 1:7 over him… ‘God has not given Kyna a spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind!’

The first week he stood right inside the door while I waited outside for a minute then I ended up taking him back with me.

Each week we made a little bit of progress…

He actually went and played for the couple minutes that I stood by the door but he still went back with me.

Then he actually stayed but went back with me when I came back to check on him after 5 minutes. (A promise I had made.)

Eventually he made it about halfway through before we got the text that he was crying.

Then came the day that we picked up a beaming Kyna after church. He had made it the whole way through and he proudly announced that now he could have chocolate milk and a cookie from Starbucks. That was the reward he had been promised once he stays the whole time.

The bigger the obstacles, the sweeter the victory, even when you’re three. He was so proud of himself. 🙂

Now in the aftermath of all this, is where I can clearly see God’s hand in it…

I have a three year old who is incredibly free. He talks to anyone, he loves social events and makes new friends every time we go somewhere. I’m checking to make sure he’s still around instead of him hanging on to me the whole time. Honestly, there is very little to no fear in his life anymore. (Except for Mike (the janitor) at market, Kyna’s scared of him because Mike is almost 7 feet tall and he has told Kyna already not to do ‘this or that’ and now Kyna avoids him at all costs.) 😅

Through this I have also seen God place in Kyna a value for prayer, I didn’t even realize the seeds I was planting in his life by helping him pray through his fears. When something goes wrong it is not unusual for Kyna to say…

“Mom you should pray with me!”