From Fear To Faith

Kynaston was the baby that I couldn’t leave with anyone.

At only 6 months old I left him with Mom and he cried the whole time, it was so bad that I actually went and got him earlier then I had planned.

At first I thought it was just a ‘personality thing,’ but then I read this comment somewhere…

‘Shy is the cover-up word for fear.’

This comment stuck with me because if you really think about it… there is no such thing as a confident and shy person.

However there are quiet, introverted people who are confident, so to me, this simply made so much sense.

Shy = fear and fear is not from God.

That one comment caused me to look at this whole situation with Kyna differently and it wasn’t hard to see that there was some very real fear in his life.

Around the age of 2 he would wake up in the middle of the night screaming and when I got him he would wrap his arms tightly around my neck, very obviously terrified.

We couldn’t leave him in kids ministry at church because he would cry hysterically and I was pretty sure that he was actually freaking out and not just being stubborn.

Over this time our church was doing a sermon series on deliverance from evil spirits, so I was learning a lot on this fear thing but wasn’t sure how to apply it to my 2 year old.

One day I walked into the mud room and then into the bathroom, closing the door behind me. A couple seconds later Kyna was screaming obviously terrified, so I went to investigate. He had followed me into the mud room and thought I went into the garage so he followed me there, except I wasn’t there so he panicked because he could push the door open into the garage but couldn’t pull it open again to get back into the house.

At this point I had ‘had it’ with all these panic attacks as soon as he couldn’t find me, or got stuck somewhere etc…

So I scooped him into my arms and I commanded the spirit of fear to get out right now in Jesus’ name! You have no right here because the Lord has not given Kyna a spirit of fear but of love, power and a sound mind! 

I got chills from head to toe as I literally felt that spirit manifest and then leave.

Guys, we were instantly dealing with a completely different child.

He still had some fear but it was the kind you could work with, I would say, actually, that all fear was gone immediately but we still had to reverse the habits and mindsets that had been cultivated by fear.

I noticed right away that in crowds he willingly left my side and engaged with other kids openly and fearlessly.

Kids ministry at church was still a challenge but even there we saw a big change. Instead of screaming so much that we couldnt even talk to him before we even got to his classroom, we could now work with him.

It was quite the process but if we allow him too, God’s will take what the devil meant for evil and turn it into something good.

Every Sunday, Checkers took Kenzie and Myles to class and I took Kyna. I would walk halfway back the hallway with him and then I prayed with him and declared 2 Timothy 1:7 over him… ‘God has not given Kyna a spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind!’

The first week he stood right inside the door while I waited outside for a minute then I ended up taking him back with me.

Each week we made a little bit of progress…

He actually went and played for the couple minutes that I stood by the door but he still went back with me.

Then he actually stayed but went back with me when I came back to check on him after 5 minutes. (A promise I had made.)

Eventually he made it about halfway through before we got the text that he was crying.

Then came the day that we picked up a beaming Kyna after church. He had made it the whole way through and he proudly announced that now he could have chocolate milk and a cookie from Starbucks. That was the reward he had been promised once he stays the whole time.

The bigger the obstacles, the sweeter the victory, even when you’re three. He was so proud of himself. 🙂

Now in the aftermath of all this, is where I can clearly see God’s hand in it…

I have a three year old who is incredibly free. He talks to anyone, he loves social events and makes new friends every time we go somewhere. I’m checking to make sure he’s still around instead of him hanging on to me the whole time. Honestly, there is very little to no fear in his life anymore. (Except for Mike (the janitor) at market, Kyna’s scared of him because Mike is almost 7 feet tall and he has told Kyna already not to do ‘this or that’ and now Kyna avoids him at all costs.) 😅

Through this I have also seen God place in Kyna a value for prayer, I didn’t even realize the seeds I was planting in his life by helping him pray through his fears. When something goes wrong it is not unusual for Kyna to say…

“Mom you should pray with me!”


Girls versus Boys

Once upon a time we had a little girl named Kenzie.

When she was about 4 years old we had a massive cardboard box that we set upside down and cut out some windows and a door that legitimately opened and closed, she painted and colored the out side and just like that we had fun little indoor playhouse for a couple weeks.

She played with that thing for hours. A blanket on the floor made a cozy carpet. Her doll and all it’s accessories fit nicely inside and they had all kinds of calm, sensible fun.

That house got a bit beaten and battered but it stayed up right and in one piece until we got tired of it and smashed it for the garbage guy.

Once again we ended up with a big box. It’s a bit smaller then the last one but still holds two little boys quite easily.

Thinking back to those hours of quietness while Kenzie played contentedly in the box house gave me this grand idea…

I would use this box to entertain my boys! (Kenzie is in school) My mind was filled with serene images of two little boys playing contentedly in this box while I sit on the chair with a good book, a cozy blanket and some coffee. ( Don’t judge please, it is snowing after all.) 😝 Not to mention the fact that we ended up in some bushes BESIDE the road this morning on the way to school. (That’s a whole other blog.)🙃

Can’t you just envision how amazing my morning will be? I will most definitely feel refreshed after this!

So, I brought the box in from the garage, laid it on its side and showed my two very enthusiastic little guys how they could sit in there with their toys and how the flaps made amazing doors that could be opened and closed.

They were thrilled alright.

For a grand total of 5 minutes.

Then they decided that this box was better suited for climbing on.

Which led to a semi-flattened box…


So they spent some time sliding.

Next it became a ramp for tractors and cars.

Then they discovered that if they run across the room and jump on this box, it will slide a couple of inches giving them a short but (I’m assuming) sweet little ride.🤦‍♀️

Next they decided to count the blue circles on the box. There is twenty ’twone’ Kyna declared.

Another amazing discovery was the fact that with quite a bit of tugging and pulling and huffing and puffing it was possible to tear the box apart!

Currently (after only about 20 minutes) the box is laying on its side quite beaten and battered while the boys are playing train on the kitchen chairs.

What can I say? 🤷‍♀️ They sure were entertained for a short while but it definitely wasn’t quiet!🤓

As for my reading… I still didn’t pick up a book since I was too busy watching the boys and wondering what that box would be capable of doing next.

And then I had to blog about it.😎 The coffee was great tho.

P.S. Don’t worry I wouldn’t trade my noisy boys for the world! 🙂 (or for quiet little girls.)

But we sure do appreciate our Kenzie whose play is a bit quieter and calmer. 🙂