When Humility Becomes Pride

Yes. You read that correctly.

Is that even possible?

No. Technically it is not.

Yet, in our human state we somehow seem to often misinterpret pride for humility. (at least I do, in my own life.)

Pride is…

  1. a feeling that you respect yourself and deserve to be respected by other people.
  2. a feeling that you are more important or better then other people.

Thats the definition of pride by Miriam Webster.

Sounds rather prideful doesn’t it? 🙂

Basically, it means we’re feeling pretty full of ourselves, it means we are focused on self. Focused on me. Thinking about ME. It means we are giving the credit to ourselves instead of God, which is something I’d rather not be found guilty of.

Yet, it’s something I often do find myself guilty of. We tend to measure our worth by comparing ourselves with other people. Sure, I might not be as good as those people, but I’m definitely better then these people, so that means I’m in a pretty good spot, right?

This might not be a conscious thought that we really think through in those words but its still what our hearts are feeling.

Pride is one of those sins that sneaks into our lives undetected and is often not recognized until its big and ugly. Sometimes it even disguises itself as humility.

Did you ever feel proud that your not proud? 🙂

Do you ever take pride in your God-given talents? or do you (like me) not use them for fear of being, seeming or looking prideful? I struggled with this one a lot. I love to write. Which makes sense since I am a terrible conversationalist. (Is that even a word? It didn’t auto-correct so i’ll just let it there:) I will never understand how two people can keep a conversation going talking about…

I don’t know…

Everyday life?

What do they even talk about?! 

Now if you discuss something that I’m passionate about and I know you really well then….

Yeah…

Then you’ll probably wish I would shut up and give you a turn to speak too.

Bottom line: I don’t have the gift of small talk and simply cannot fathom how anyone can take individual words and form sentences that turns into a lengthy conversation about…

???????

Thats why I write. Because on paper it makes sense. Because on paper no one interrupts. On paper if it comes out all twisted and backwards I can delete it and no one will ever know nor will they be sitting there staring at me while I try to figure out how to reword it in a ‘less awkward’ way. Oh and on paper no one argues because its just me… and a blank piece of paper. 🙂

At first when I shared bits and pieces of our DTS experience on a public blog I would ask Checkers what he thought.

“Isn’t it too much about us?”

“Did it sound like I think we have it all figured out?”

The first couple times he ‘calmly’ informed me that “No, its a God story. Not an ‘us’ story.”

And then…

When I just didn’t seem to get it, he became a bit ‘uncalm’ about this situation. 🙂 He said:

“In DTS the speakers that shared personal testimonies are the ones I enjoyed the most, and I certainly didn’t feel like they were boasting about themselves!!!!!! I felt like they are sharing what God did in their lives and it made me want to know more about God not more about them!!!!”

Do you ever have one of those moments when its like a light was turned on? You suddenly see very clearly what you couldn’t see before?

This was one of those moments for me. I suddenly realized:

I was making this about me!!! 

In my efforts to avoid being prideful or arrogant, I was actually being just that. These moments were about Jesus and what he did for us and by not sharing them I was taking away the glory that was rightfully his.

“He gave you a gift for writing, so you should use it! He doesn’t give people gifts just because he can! He gives them to be used!!!”

Oh. Checkers wasn’t finished with his lecture yet.

I knew he was right. I also knew that I had just recognized another area of pride in my life.

This time it was disguised as humility.

I don’t even want to admit how many times in the 4 1/2 years since we’ve been married that we’ve suddenly had an awakening where we realized. “Wait, this is a form of pride!”

Then we repent, and we go on our merry ‘unprideful’ way, only to suddenly discover another area in our lives where pride is hiding, most likely disguised as something else.

I don’t know. Maybe I’m wrong on this but I think a lot of the sins we struggle with are a form of pride.

  1. Gossip = pride (thinking we are better then them)
  2. Jealousy = pride (thinking they don’t deserve what we can’t have)
  3.  Lying = pride (trying to hide our weaknesses)

Theres this problem with pride. You can never knowingly conquer pride because if you get to the point where you think you beat pride…

Well…

Just make sure you’re not proud that you aren’t proud! 🙂

We are capable of nothing on our own. Every talent or ability that we have isn’t really ours but rather its God working through us. He gave us these gifts to use, but they are still his to give or to take away as he sees fit.

If you are already using your gifts: Realize that you couldn’t do it if he hadn’t first enabled you. Give him the glory.

If your afraid to use your gift: Don’t be. Its not about you. Its about him. Give him the glory.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s